Stuff to Do At Boring Meetings Section
Prizes awarded for the first few correct submissions in answer to the following questions about Malaspina University-College.
1. Malaspina’s President has a surname of Johnston or Johnson. What is his Christian name?
2. Malaspina has a new vice-president in charge of academic programs. One of his names is Thomas. What is his full name?
a. Peeping Thomas
e. Doubting Thomas
c. Slashing Thomas
d. Thomas (Doctor doctissimus) Aquinas
e. Thomas ("Will no one rid me of this meddlesome priest?) ŕ Becket
f. Thomas ("nasty, brutish, and short") Hobbes
3. Malaspina has an official motto. Which of the following is it?
a. Same shit, different semester.
b. Sauve qui peut.
c. Que será, Alessandro, será.
d. Render unto Czizar the things that are Czizar’s.
e. Research is an opportunity, teaching a load.
4. Which of the following represent the biggest cash boondoggle in the long history of such events at Malaspina?
a. cash payouts for incompetent ex-presidents so that they can wipe the egg from their faces with thousand dollar bills.
b. the World Youth Conference
c. Liberal Studies
d. the Nishahara arbitration
e. the collapsible gymnasium
5. Malaspina has an official song. What is the title?
a. "Please Release Me" (Englebert Humperdink)
b. "Stairway to Heaven" (Led Zepplin)
c. "You Can't Always Get What You Want" (Rolling Stones)
d. "Help" (Beatles)
e. "Beat It" (Michael Jackson)
f. "Piss Factory" (Patti Smith)
g. "I Heard It On the Grapevine" (Marvin Gaye)
6. Who says Malaspina has always been as dull as it is now? Which instructors at Malaspina are associated with the following events?
a. being arrested for riding a horse on the Gabriola ferry while carrying a rifle
b. streaking the lobby of the Stockman's Hotel in Kamloops
c. spontaneously eating an insect on stage in Kelowna
d. getting charged for a marijuana grow operation
e. shooting heroin before morning classes
f. mooning a class for a bet
g. throwing another instructor through the window of the Lanzville pub
h. riding a massively urinating horse on Commercial street while posing as a medieval lady
i. stripping down in front of a startled Area Chairman in the latter's office
j. being the prize in a wager between two female students who staged a contest who could get him into bed first (there was a winner)
k. appearing buck naked on the front page of the Nanaimo Free Press.
l. allowing two female students to strip him, spray his body with day glo, dress him up in a tutu and lace, and parade him in public as a spangled fairy.
(a present to us all from the internet via Libby McGratten)
Take the chart below to the next departmental or area meeting. Each time a word in one of the squares is uttered, cross it out. When you have a complete vertical or horizontal row, cry out "Bullshit." Your success entitles you to leave the meeting immediately. You are not allowed to cross out words which you yourself say. The card is good for three consecutive meetings.
prior learning assessment
key performance indicator (KPI)
|mandate (as verb)||critical thinking||comprehensive review|
college mission and goals
|release time||fast track|
|strategic plan or cut||
gary bauslaugh or glenn johnston
Points will also be handed out to those who submit suitable terms for future Bullshit Bingo cards. Please contact firstname.lastname@example.org.
[Back to Table of Contents for Volume I, Issue 1]